Life.

Oh life. It's a confusing, confusing little thing!

I am trying to learn to live for me. Not for others, but for myself. I often find that I put everyone before myself. I'm 63 days away from being 23 (whose counting?). I worry what my parents will think, what if my friends where I sub call me to sub and I can't, my sister will be so angry that I'm going and she isn't. Everything that runs through my mind just for a simple week in California with my aunts, uncle, and cousin. Regardless of California, I always do that to myself. I never can commit to things because I am worried someone may need me. What if I get called to babysit? What if we have a random family get together? What if I get called to sub? What if me going/doing/not doing upsets someone close to me?

I always worry about the other person, I never worry about me. I am the "yes" person. Frances always tells me I need to learn to say "no" otherwise I will become the person everyone comes to because they know I will never say "no." She has a point. I always say yes. I give myself extra work because I hate telling people no.

But today, when my mom looked at me and said, "Do your aunts know they have another niece too?" I was fed up. I could have cried right there at the kitchen table. I am almost twenty-three years old REALLY LADY? My sister is 21 in March and we still tiptoe around her feelings. It is not my fault that I am very close with my aunts. I will never, in my life, be able to take a vacation over Thanksgiving ever again because of the profession I have chosen for my life. Right now in my life I am able to take a week off for Thanksgiving, I am subbing, I make my own schedule.

Getting back on track though... really, why does it matter what my sister thinks? It's my life. If she wants to go to California she can save up her money and go too. (Plus, we're going in July/August 2012 anyways so what's the big F deal?)

I decided today I need to live my life for me. It's my life. I only have one. My family members only have one. I get to see my aunts once every two years, if I'm lucky. They are just as important in my life as my aunts and uncles who live 5 minutes away from me.

SO, I got online and bought my tickets. I am going to California for a week. I will enjoy myself. I will get to go to Disneyland on Thanksgiving and wear an "It's my birthday" pin (you have NO idea how EXCITING that is), I will get to spend my 23rd birthday with my aunts, uncle, and cousin (I've never gotten to spend any birthday with them), I might get to go to SAN FRANCISCO (never been there either).

I need to start living my life. I need to explore things that I won't get to explore when I get older. When I think on it, I will spend the majority of my life putting other people in front of me... aka children. That is if I ever get a boyfriend... get married... ya know how that goes. But really, when I think about it, my mom has been putting me in front of her own needs for 23 years. I need to start doing things for me without worry because one day, I won't be able to just... go.

Excuse my ramblings. I don't know what I am saying anymore. I'm just typing and I feel so better about everything.

I am going to California. I am letting things go. I am living my life.

And now I need to lose 20 pounds before I leave.... aka my gym routine begins tomorrow morning with some Turbo Fire and weights. I have incentive... Disneyland clothing. Did I really just admit that... Oh life!


LAST NOTE. I love Chobani.

and him...

I can't even begin to explain how much I adore him and how HAPPY I am that Glee is finally back. Every Tuesday of my life will be so fabulous now, no matter what!

xoxo

Decisions, Decisions

I have to make a decision and it's a decision I really don't want to make... My aunts want me to visit them in California for Thanksgiving.

I know this is a no-brainer to some people. Hello, California for my birthday and Thanksgiving? Who would pass that up??

Well... I am torn. I love Thanksgiving. We have Thanksgiving at my house every year and it's always fun and delicious. Then my mom and I go on Black Friday and spend money. My whole family comes over for Thanksgiving (on my dad's side). It's always a blast! Now, my only sticking point is A. I LOVE spending time with my family and B. My grandpa isn't getting any younger. But then I think... if Marge is there (UGH.) then I don't have to see her and plus we all see each other for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Years Eve.

If I go to California then I would spend Thanksgiving at the happiest place on earth, Disneyland, with two of my mom's sisters and my only cousin on that side. I know it would be a blast. Plus, it's my life goal to be at a Disney resort for every Holiday. I've been at Disney World for Christmas... Disneyland at Thanksgiving would knock one off my list.... If I go though, I have to deal with my sister being a brat about it and complaining to my mom that I get to go and she doesn't... Mind you, I will be paying for my own plane ticket.

I don't know what to do. My parents are zero help, they don't care either way. Thoughts?

Anyways, I am currently cooking a new type of zucchini bread. It has sweet potatoes, walnuts, and dried cranberries in there. It sounded good so I figured I'd give it a shot! Hopefully it turns out great.

I have been slacking on the working out AGAIN this week. I subbed full days every day this week and it's that time of the month, aka I am just plain exhausted. This upcoming week I am going to hold myself to working out more... I have lost -2 lbs just because of how I have been eating though. I have discovered I really like the raspberry or pomegrante Chobani. Deeeeeelicious!

I better go check on my bread. I am babysitting tonight for... a long time. The kids are fabulous though and with the student loans that I'll be paying... totally worth it!

xoxo

Slacker.

Let's talk about slacking...

This week I have slacked in
A. Working Out
B. Blogging
C. Baking/Cooking
D. Life

Oh hey, look at that.

This has just been a weird week. A "Natalie Funk Week" as I like to call them. Weeks were, I just don't feel like me.... Labor Day weekend was SO much fun. I love, love, love spending time with my family. My aunt had a garage sale Saturday and Sunday so naturally, everyone showed up. Give us a reason to hang out outside, drink wine, eat food, and chat and we're all there. I seriously love my family. I couldn't imagine ever moving away from them. I would be lonely and miserable.

Now, I had a job interview on Tuesday for a 5th grade position that opened up. I felt really, really, great about my interview. I worked with the principal at summer school even. I still haven't heard anything... my friend who works there said he said it was between two people. If I don't get a phone call or e-mail Monday I am throwing in the towel. I mean, they need a teacher ASAP. The 5th grade teacher got pregnant and decided she wasn't coming back, the 2nd week of school... so WHY are you people waiting so long!? UGH. I just really want this job. If I don't get it, it's not the end of the world, I'll still have subbing and I have my foot in the door at the school I student taught at. I am trying to see the positive side of things...

Anywho... Then Wednesday I woke up and my teeth were hurting so, so, so, badly. I couldn't take it anymore. (I had work done on a tooth like, a month ago and it still hurts but that's another story). So I drag my butt to the doctor. My doctor is walk-ins. I got there at 9 am and she told me it was already a 2 hour wait. SO, I went home and waited and when I got there  at 11:20 they called my name, wahoo! I didn't get out of there until 1. By time I got my medicine filled it was two. Then my mom called me and my sister had been in a car accident and her car isn't drivable (she's fine).

Thursday... I got called to sub. It was horrible. I dislike 8th graders. The teachers were interesting, they played into all the students drama, rudeness, horrible attitudes. The teacher I subbed for, he up and left last week. So they are scrambling to find a teacher for them. They asked if I'd like to interview for it, I turned them down. I am not meant for middle school, at least not at that school. Good lord I'd be gray haired and crazy in a year. I DID go work out Thursday, YAY ME! I took Zumba and then Turbo Kick and my body felt like jello.

Friday... I slept through my alarm and missed my turbo class, so I was not happy. Julie is the best, best, best turbo teacher. I hate missing her classes.

Which brings us to today... I've been doing a lot of sleeping on this medicine. While I have been feeling better it's really killing my energy levels. I am hoping to wake up in time for Zumba tomorrow morning. Lately though, it's just taking a lot of energy to get up and go. Since I gained weight this summer I just feel like a hopeless cause. I have been struggling with weight since I can remember and it never gets better. It's a constant roller coaster and I'm really sick of it. However, I am determined to get it off by time Camp comes around.

I want to break out of this funk. This funk of self-doubt and self-pity I have going on this week. Hopefully Sunday Zumba will do it... If not maybe Monday Turbo (if I don't sub, otherwise I'm not sure what's on the schedule for Monday evening).

It's hard not having someone pushing you. All Summer I had a friend who went with me and now, well that's a whole nother blog to bore you with later...

I feel better just getting that off my chest...

Also, seriously, I love following Curt Mega on twitter. Anyone, if anyone, reads this, follow him. His tweets sometimes are just what I need to make me think about my life, smile, laugh, etc. It always seems to hit home. He seems like an overall wonderful person.
Today's favorite?
"I don't always know what the future holds but I am ready to take it on with an open heart, ready to learn & grow :)" (like seriously, this is exactly what I needed to read this morning when I woke up).

xoxo

Whoops..

I haven't blogged in a whole, almost, week!

Overall, I have been keeping up on my workouts. Not as great as I'd like to though! I would like to go everyday but I find myself only going 3-4 days now. I need to get myself back into gear and even if I miss my morning class still get up and go! I slept through one of my favorite classes this morning and I was so mad with myself! I have been sleeping more and more this week and I fear it's because I am stressing myself out about life. Trying to learn to let things go...

This past Saturday was a blast! I went into Chicago to see Pinocchio with Cady and it was wonderful! We were the only ones that didn't have children there but I'm pretty sure we enjoyed our word search and crossword the most. After the show we went and got lunch at The Chicago Diner, aka best choice we ever made?! It's a vegan/vegetarian restaurant which was a leap for both of us seeing as how we aren't vegetarians. We ended up sitting at the counter which was, once again, the best choice we ever made! We made friends with "The Shake Master" Alex. Every shake he made, Cady and I would get a a 1/2 cup full. At the end of an hour we had drank at least 1 full shake, 4 different flavors. They were all AMAZING. I couldn't decide my ultimate favorite... so I had an ultimate, ultimate which I still dream about: it was like a grasshopper mint chocolate chip deliciousness. The peanut butter cup one was the ultimate and then the other ones were amazingamazing delicious. Even our "Chickn Bacn" sandwich was amazing. Best mac and cheese ever... Then we had gelato, which was also amazing.

That Saturday Cady got me hooked on the show, "How I Met Your Mother." So needless to say, since I haven't had any sub calls all week, my schedule usually looks like this:
breakfast, workout, small snack, shower, watch "How I Met Your Mother," eat lunch while watching "How I Met Your Mother," eat dinner, watch tv shows for that night (Project Runway, Millionaire Matchmaker, Housewives, Drop Dead Diva, Auction Kings, Storage Wars...) And then some more "How I Met Your Mother."

SERIOUSLY I need a life. Where has this show been all my life though? I'm watching the episodes in order. This show is hilarious, hilarious, hilarious.

So yeah, I really have nothing new to report otherwise. I am anxiously awaiting teachers getting sick/having to attend meetings so I get sub phone calls. I have also discovered the joy of sugar free jello or sugar free pudding... what a fantastic snack with very little guilt! Chocolate fix? No need for cookies, I'll get the pudding thanks! Aching for a snack? Oh I'll have that jello with fruit instead of those chips! and hey just this small change is helping! -2lbs in a week!

My sister has been driving me crazy this week. Extra crazy. I will never understand why my parents put up with her attitude and the way she talks to them. God bless their patience. I am getting seriously annoyed with it. I just keep to myself when she is home, it's simply easier this way. I need these sub calls to start rolling in so my car and student loans can start dwindling... I would love to be out of this house as soon as I can be!

Well... I think that's all for now. Sorry for the boringness. Maybe something exciting to report later... probably not. Friday will bring lunch with Frances (yay!), baking zucchini bread, and possibly seeing my Aunt?

I miss teaching daily :(


This is one of my favorite poems. This man came to my high school when I was a junior and since then this poem has stuck with me! It's so wonderful. Enjoy :)

Until next time...
xoxoxo